So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
