I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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