I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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