Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
