they need to just BURY HIM!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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