Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
