The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
