Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
