the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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