I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
