Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
