i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I need to calm my uterus...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
