It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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