WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
