my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
