cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
