Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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