Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
