Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Drunk is not a location!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
