Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
