if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
