first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
