they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
