i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
