I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
