im six kinds of drunk right now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
