sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
