im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
