Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
