Even the bartender felt bad for me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
