The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
