Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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