I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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