Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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