All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
