I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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