I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
