You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
