I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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