I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
