The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
