there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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