I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
