just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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