Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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