Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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