God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
