2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Is it because I queefed?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
