Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
