woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my shit smells like andre
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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