And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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