i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
