Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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