i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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