I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
