U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
