You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
